News just in. Giant carrots wearing wigs ravaged the streets of sandiego today. Luckily sonic the hedgehog arrived wearing his faveourite wig and fake beard. So really nothing happened and they managed to contain the situation in a downstairs loo in restaurant de la viedo. They are now serving carrot soup 24/7. Well done. That was the news on 36 you. Sayonara. Da dog Iz dod Breaking news at half past three! Local dingus R. Siwel ran down Mostyn the other day holding an assault rifle and a packet of Bassett's Sherbet lemons. Many were terrified, including several dogs. But, just in time (as usual), Superman, Merlin the wizard and that sad monkey on the Coco Pops box attacked the raving madman with lightsabers. In the end, They all agreed to stop their battle......and go to war. They are now fighting over a tub of jam in Mexico. That was the news. no it wasn't. P.S R.Siwel is gay. Very gay. A mushroom is a powerful weapon! The news at 3:19. Yes. A lot of calculators have been seen bungee-jumping off Chicago Sears Tower lately. police are baffled. Not at the incident, but at how many flavours can go into a doughnut. This reporter says they are all fat gits. Except the one in the leotard. now, for the weather.........oh i'm sorry. Since the weatherperson is having a permanent bath, there will never be any weather reports again. Ever. We could search for new one, but we're just too darn lazy. Infact, I can't be bothered to lift my finger...oh, hang on.....nah! Well goodbye.....(strange eating sounds)......(more strange eating sounds). Two carpets on every bed, ten ducks on every hairy back! The news at 71:83. the news.....there is no news. We here at BS Enterprises are baffled at how there is no news. One man says "Ah was just gonna watch sum telly, yeah, when, yeah, like, there was, like no news" we, personally, don't care. I'm Michael Howard.....no i'm not....or am I?....no i'm sure now....BYE! We've lost the news! This just in. Ohhh man that cake was heck of a ...... good. Good cake....eh? Now for some reviews. Revenge of the spliff where a resident of a crackhouse realises he lives for the cheese the world is controlled by. On his quest to find the cheese he has to go through many hardships such as crossing the grass and making it out of the crackhouse. we gave it 10/10 cracking!!!! The crackhouse 4ever Yet another film review that you'll probably never read anyway. Today it's My Big Fat Greedy Wedding. It's about a wedding that gets ruined when a fat man rolls in and starts eating all the hoer d'ouvres. Soon, he has his own strange wedding, and the bride decides to get revenge. Sadly, though, she doesn't. She almost does, but the fat man sneezes and falls over, crushing her. A very sad, gory film with lots of food. And guns. Many guns. We give it 6/10. Keep 'em comin', but not for a long time. Fatty! Penguins have mallets too! Game reviews for the Ninprendo EDS - Children Crossing: In this game, you must watch out for little kids crossing the street. Use the foam stylus with sharp metal tip to either wave your sign around, shove slow ones across the street or kungfu a car that doesn't know the meaning of 'stop, ya darn fool...I SAID STOP, FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!!'. 3/10. Next - Toxic the Hedgehog: Race around spilling toxic waste all over the place. Not much fun. 9/10. Finally - Splinter's Cells: Pandora's Box:This guy Splinter owns a prison in upstate New York. Help him run it, despite daily hangings, consecutive charges and flying toilet seats. PLUS a free wood stylus. GIVES REAL SPLINTERS!!! 8/10 Oh why the pants! NEWSA JUST IN! Wella it'sa noot gust in it's bean lyin around for many yerz and yu prob doont want ta heer it aniway. SHMINCI PINKY BANG BANG!! Olla Olla Olla Olla yeak! Some man he crashes on Vroom bike (my English is nut sooh guud) Mmm, maby i need nu joob? Oh veell i donut care At tatatatata tatatataat ta! The news has come to an end. Buy some ham.